Motherhood thoughts on yet another Mother’s Day.

Another Mother’s Day, my fellow mommies! A day when your kids and loved ones feed you breakfast in bed, deliver hot coffee on command, give you lots of sweet little notes saying how utterly amazing and wonderful you are, household chores magically get done with no complaining whatsoever, and you get lots and lots of alone time. Doesn’t sound familiar? Yeah, me either. Although I did get breakfast in bed, hot coffee on command, and I am laying in my bed alone, with the door even shut while I’m writing this, so I’ll take it! Although I’m trying to tune out the constant fighting that my kids are doing right now. Trying.

So I’ve been sitting here, trying my hardest to make myself stay in bed and enjoy it, and I just was inspired to write a few things down about what it’s like to be a mom. Mostly with motherhood, I question myself. Daily really. I’m constantly doubting my abilities, my qualifications, my disciple strategies, even my cooking sometimes. The other day my daughter said I was wearing “mom jeans.” So yeah, I’m now currently questioning my fashion as well. It would be nice if there was a rule book. But then again, I’d probably just chuck the thing. Who reads rulebooks anyway?
But here’s the thing about motherhood. Often, on our worst days, it’s also what we would never change, what gives us the most joy, what defines us and keeps us going. Motherhood is simply a mixture of laughter and tears, anxiety and joy, fear and love. It’s our best job, our worst job, our hardest job, our most important job. On most days, I think a lot of moms don’t feel worthy. We say we don’t think we’re doing enough, don’t think we’re doing it right, don’t think we can even keep doing it. But we do, and that right there, is the best gift we can give our children. To not give up, to not let the fear of failure win, to not actually believe we’re not good enough. Love is really all we need to give them. Sprinkled with a lot of guidance, a lot of backbone, and maybe a therapist or two. Along the journey we’ll probably have many mommy meltdowns, need copious amounts of coffee, lots of googling “how to’s,” and might occasionally need to lock ourselves in our room for our own time-outs. Perspective may come in the form of some much needed solo vacations, or time away in any form. Usually we’re all ready to come home, because as crazy as it sounds, the reason we needed a break in the first place, is reason we want to go back.  Go figure. 

At the end of the day, I think we can all agree that while being a mom is the best thing that’s happened to us, it’s also left us unable to jump on a trampoline without peeing a little, forever needing spanx, investing in the most expensive bra’s available (or surgery for that matter) because, well, you know. But despite being left with a belly that jiggles like jello, hips that ache at night due to 27 months of growing my little ones, and sometimes still not 
sleeping through the night, I wouldn’t change anything. Well, mostly I wouldn’t change a thing. The peeing a little when I laugh sometimes is really unfair. I think I’d change that🤣

Got anxiety? Me too, so read on.

Let's talk about anxiety. Like really talk about it. The good (there's not much good actually,) the bad and the (very) ugly.  I've struggled with anxiety and depression ever since High School. I'm a "worry wart" and always have been. I blame it on my late Grandpa Don. He was the biggest worrier I had ever known. Until me.
In my adult years it's actually gotten worse. I had extremely bad post partum depression with 2 of my children, which was when I actually felt my first actual "panic" attacks happen. People who aren't affected by this often ask what it feels like, and why it is so bad and why can't you control it? First off, I'm going to try and explain it the best way I can explain  (now this is ONLY from my personal experience. I can't and am not speaking for, or generalizing what it feels like for other people).  In fact, panic/anxiety attacks affect people in many different ways, this is just the way if affects ME.
For me, it feel like I'm being swallowed into a black hole....down the black abyss of nothingness where everything is wrong and scary and confusing and lonely.  It gets hard to breath. It's not just a "feeling" for me. My body actually takes over and physically it feels like I have no control over it. I feel hopeless and often times I don't know why. I feel scared that every bad thing that can happen will. My heart starts to beat really fast, therefore sending my breathing even faster. Does this sound familiar anyone? If not, I'm completely jealous of your "normal" life and I hate you all. Just kidding, seriously.....what's a "normal life" anyway? I wouldn't want that. *Sidenote...I'm not writing this for pity or attention, or any other reason except this.....that writing is one of this things I do that really helps my anxiety. Talking about it, being real, sharing my experiences, adding humor when I can...all of this helps me tremendously. The worst panic attack I ever had was when I was driving in a snow storm (an anxiety trigger of mine). I was by myself thank goodness, but I started to panic. My hands started going numb and at the wheel and I couldn't straighten my fingers. I started hyperventilating, and tumbling down into that black abyss. Luckily I was able to pull over at a rest stop. I tried getting out and walking, breathing long deep breaths, but it was all getting worse. This, being my worst attack by far, I actually called 911.  I thought I was having a heart attack, stroke, or any other life threatening occurrence. Ambulance came, I stayed inside the truck for about 45 minutes while they took my vitals, all which were good except my heart rate which started to come down. They talked to me in very calm voices and eventual I started getting my breath back and calming down. The snow storm miraculously dissipated which I called a "God sign" and I was able to drive the short 45 minutes home. That was one of my worst panic attacks to this day. This is real people. It happens, but it doesn't define us.
The crazy thing is about anxiety, is that the littlest stupid things can set you off. My daughter left with my mom for a week to Chicago for Spring break. It set my anxiety off and I started to think of everything that could go wrong. I had absolutely no control over the situation and that terrified me. It's not that I don't trust my mom, sis, bro in law, it's just my issues of just not knowing. Another thing that can set me off is reading an awful article on Facebook about a child that died or something to that affect.  Or sometimes.....sometimes life just gets really hard...right?...and you feel like it's swallowing you whole and you feel like you just can't do it anymore. Sound familiar anyone?
The past few months have been tough, hence this blog post. I had surgery right after we got back from our amazing vacation to The Dominican Republic. I had this same surgery on my right side about a 2 years ago. These are some of the many gruesome pictures...

 

Some of the pictures are from my surgery 2 years ago, and some from two months ago. So now I have matching scars, yay! I guess now I'm symmetrical. I had to have both of my Parotid glands taken out from both sides. They sit right under your ear and aid in saliva production. As a complete medical freak that I am, my doctor said that in his whole career, he's never had to do bilateral parotidectomies (taking both of them from each side out)  So congrats to me! It reiterates that I'm a super freak, super freak. You wanna know something else that makes me a medical anomaly? So when I had my surgery two years ago, when they take the gland out, the remaining nerve endings usually just die off. Well, mine didn't. Of course. Because it's me. And because I'm a super freak. My nerve endings attached to my sweat glands, yes, you heard me right. It's called Frey's syndrome, which in normal people terms, means that whenever I eat or chew anything, I sweat from my incision sight. No where else, just there. Like drip sweat.....glisten...whatever you want to call it. I have to have a paper towel when I eat just to wipe it away. Top that people. Super freak, super freak....cue the music. So it'll be interesting to see if the same thing happens on my left side. If it does, so help me, I'm entering myself into the guiness book of world records. I'll also have to just tap paper towels to my cheeks when I eat to absorb all the sweat from my incisions. Can't wait to see if that happens. Not.

Ok huh..... I actually wasn't going to go there on that last thing (the embarrassing sweat thing) but I just couldn't help it. I guess I've accepted it, for the most part. It just adds to my charm I guess? I think someone said that to me, I'm just not sure who. HA!

Anyway, I'm so getting off track. Squirrel!

So since my last surgery, the recovery process has been longer, more painful, more damage to my nerves (which is getting better thank goodness) and just harder. I can't do normal things like I used to be able to. It hurts to hold my 4 year old when he cuddles and lays his head on my shoulders. I can't sleep on my left side, which is ALWAYS the side I sleep on. I could go on and on. I'm otherwise healthy though. I know people have surgery all the time for far worse things, and I'm counting my blessings and very grateful that it wasn't something worse.  I'm not undermining the people who have worse surgeries, life threatening or cancer in any way.  I'm just talking about my experience and am thankful everything went well.

I had my first panic attack in front of the kids a few nights ago. Believe me, I try to shield them from it as much as I can, but it couldn't be helped. I was tucking them all in bed (all three wanted to sleep in Max's room, so two on the bed, one on the floor.) I don't know what brought it on, but I started panicking and crying and shaking and hyperventilating. I thought my kids would absolute freak out, but you know what they did? Max, who was next to me on the bed started rubbing my arm and saying "shhh, mama it's ok." and My oldest, Grace, said..."mom, you have to take deep long breaths. I do that when I'm upset, it was you who taught me that." Gabe, my middle son also told me that everything was going to be ok. And on it went. Grace even texted David who was on his way from work and told him what was happening. She told him that he needed to text me and tell me everything will be ok, because she knows it helps me when he says that to me. I was able to calm down. It was the most terrifying yet sweetest nights and I'll never forget it. So the next day I took a bath to try and calm down from (insert another panic attack.) Max was the only one home, so he sat in the bathroom and just talked to me about preschool and other things. When I got out, I was shivering I was so cold, even with a towel. So Max took another clean towel and dried off my legs to try and warm me up. He told me he wants me to be as warm as can be. This is something I do to him every time he takes a bath. It's those moments that I live for. It's those moments that slowly raise me up from that black whole and brings me back to life.

Holy shit, I didn't mean for this blog to get this long! I'm sorry for all of you who don't like long blogs! Just don't read it ;)

The point of the blog....well, I'm not really sure what the point is exactly. It's just therapeutic writing about it and being honest and transparent and saying fu%& the stigma of mental health. I have it. So what. Does that make me any less of a person? Nobody has told me that so far anyway, haha.

I've learned some coping skills throughout the years. Music, being a big one. Music transcends everything. Language, different countries, religion, and music can honestly help heal the soul. So I try and play guitar when I'm anxious....insert picture...

That's why I have my "music room" where I sit in every morning, drink my coffee and delight in all of the music lyrics on the wall. It's my "Happy place."

I also have the best husband. He doesn't have anxiety, depression, and hasn't experienced anything like what I go through. He has no idea what it feels like. But he knows what makes me happy, what makes me laugh, and he does his darnedest to help me out of my funk. Lately, he starts singing (really badly) and making up songs that are just crazy and silly and don't make any sense. He knows (for the most part) how to bring me out of the black hole. He also dances...and oh boy does he dance. I dare every one of you to watch one of the video's I took of him dancing not to smile or even laugh. It's contagious, it's amazing, yet it's so ludicrous! I think I should give you all the pleasure of what I get to see regularly.

Exercise is also a major help, but because I haven't been able to exercise since my surgery, well that hasn't exactly helped. Insert more anxiety.
I'm blessed to have the best Superfoods on the planet, and so far, my nutrition is the only really thing on point. Yay for Superfoods when you can't exercise!
So I'm going to end with this.
I have anxiety/depression and often debilitating panic attacks, but it doesn't define me.
So much of my anxiety is time spent on negative things, especially when it comes to myself. "I can't keep up with the laundry, I get too frustrated with my kids, I'm not a good leader, I can't draw good enough or run fast enough." "I'm not pretty enough, or smart enough." "I can't cook like I want to, or my house isn't nice enough." So much "I'm not, or I can't." So I'm going to end this blog on a high note, and explain everything that I AM instead of everything that I'm not. I hope I can inspire you all to do the same.

I am a mother. I am a wife. I am a Christian and a lover of God. I seek out the best in people. I am a musician, a song writer, a lover of finger picking. I am quirky and silly. I am fiercely loyal, a really good listener, empathetic and kind. I am a giver in every sense of the word. Sometimes too much.

But I am also vulnerable, soft, imperfect and insecure at times.  How boring would the world be if everyone was perfect? I mean, hello, have you seen Stepford Wives? No thank you.

I am also real, raw, and finally coming to terms with my body, specifically my body after 3 babies. However, I am and will always work on myself.

I am an athlete, a competitor.
Yes, I have anxiety and depression, but.....
I. Am. Strong.

My girl.

Grace Annabelle Truscinski. The force of nature that is my daughter.  She was difficult even during labor and the path she took to be born. It was all on her terms...she decided she wanted to do it her way, and she stuck to her guns. In fact, she almost killed me on her birth journey (ok that was harsh, but you get me drift) She's my strong willed child....my natural born leader that just needs to be reigned in, with boundaries, but with a voice. A strong voice. I struggle so much because I see so much of her dad in her. The parts of her dad that I struggle with in his and my relationship. But there are times that I realize she has more me in her than I think.
I had a moment with her tonight that made me question lots of things.  What am I doing right? What am I doing wrong? How can I shape her to be the best person she can be. Strong, but emphatic.....tough, but genuine. Raw, but real. I think about all the things that I was growing up, and all the things I've grown up to be, and I wonder how I can instill this knowledge into her, my little mini-me.

I was reading to my 3 year old Max, and Grace came in the room saying she had scraped her leg on her bed and it was bleeding, so she got a bandaid, but needed me. I noticed that her story of how she scraped her leg seemed a little off, so I bluntly said "honey, did that really happen? Are you lying to me?" To my surprise, she said yes (about lying.) I asked her why. She said she just wanted my attention...wanted me to worry about her so that I would come to her room and spend some time with her. It was then that I realized, to my horror, that she is more like me that I realized. My head started swirling with all of these thoughts....all of these "why's" and "why nots." All of the reason's why I don't want her to struggle with some of the issue's I struggled with as a kid.
I remember as a young kid, probably late elementary school, being so self conscience in so many ways. My earliest memory of this was when a classmate of mine came up to me and said, "nice shoes...what brand are they? Oh wait, they aren't a brand name." I was so devastated, and so embarrassed that it nearly destroyed me...at age 10.  I remember convincing my parents to take me to the outlet mall so that I could get a "name brand" pair of shoes. All because of what this one kid said to me. I was that easily influenced. I'll never forget going to school the day after I had gotten those shoes, and that same kid noticing them and saying, "hey, cool shoes." I felt good. I felt validated. I felt worthy. I felt empowered.
I never want my daughter to feel that way. I never want her to only feel worthy and validated by having a certain "item" or "things." Something that other people perceive you have to have in order to fit in or be cool.
I see this in Grace. But I see so many other things in her too.  Things that I never was growing up.
She might be strong willed, might be hard to handle at times. She might be tricky to figure out, and hard to read, but these are the things she IS. This is my message to her.

Grace Annabelle....you are fierce, and loyal. You are a natural born leader that, yes, needs to be reigned in at times, (And can be classified as "bossy") but overall you are a strong kick-ass little woman. You are gentle and sensitive, yet ruthless and driven. You know what you want, and know what you don't, and that was something I never felt as a child. Your strengths might feel like your weaknesses at times, especially when it comes to our relationship, but know that you have more strengths at your age than I ever did. You question your strengths, you question your worth. You question how smart you are scholastically, and there are so many times you don't feel smart, or worthy. But I'm here to say that you are....you are smart, and you are worthy. And you shouldn't ever base your worth off of something as superficial as name brand shoes, or kids telling you what "smart" is, or what other people think of you, regardless of what that is. Do not let other people dull your sunshine. Do not let other people make you question your worth, your smarts, your beauty or your drive. You will do great things, and I will stand by you. I will be there when you question.  I will be there when you cry. I will be there when you struggle, or doubt, or fear or fall. But most importantly, I know without a doubt that throughout your journey, I will watch with admiration, encourage with gentle guidance, and see you change into an inspiring, amazing, feisty, and go-getter young woman. I am so proud to be your mom. You may only be 9, but you have taught me so much about life, love, leadership and loyalty. You will forever be my girl, my force to be reckon with, my stubborn smart ass child, my hilarious spit fire, and my love. And I will forever be there for you throughout it all.

A New Year anybody?

So the past few days I've just been thinking about the New Year, and goals that I'm going to make.  Here are a few of them:
1. Compliment my children more. As parents, we always want our children to feel loved, worthy, and important. I just want to continue to get better at this. I want to give more high-five's to them.  I mean, who doesn't love a good hard "high-five?" "You tried peas for the first time...high-five! You didn't use your "pee-pee" as a helicopter in the bathroom and actually peed in the toilet for once, high-five! You didn't eat your boogers, high-five! You didn't body slam your sister while trying to fart on her head because she stole the iPad from you, high-flipping-five!" You get the picture.
2.  Accept more compliments when people give them to you. Why can't we just say "Hey thanks" when someone gives you a compliment? Why do we feel like we have to justify it? Instead it goes something like this after someone complements you....."oh yeah...ok, well, umm, yeah I got it on a sale on top of a sale and then I had an extra coupon, that's how I could afford it....it fits me kinda funny but... and uh, the color doesn't compliment my skin tone, but it's ok... I guess." Sound familiar?
3. Put my phone down and play with my children more often.  I found myself getting mad at Max for tugging on my shirt and asking if I'd help him with his playdoh.....all while i was on my phone.  Cuz, you know, that's way more important than playing with your kids. Sigh. I've been guilty, but this year will be better!
4. Write more blogs! Cuz people.....I love to do it, so why shouldn't I make more time to do it?  Duh!
5. Stop putting myself down. "You aren't doing a good enough job with the kids, you aren't keeping the house clean enough," and a million other things negative things.
6. Play more guitar! It's sad when I know something that helps with stress and anxiety, but I don't make time to do it. I might even write a new song or two:)
7. Get in the best shape of my life....feed my body with good nutrition,  exercise more, and get a 6 pack. Yeah!  Ok, so that last one might not be realistic. Let's be honest people, I've had 3 c-sections and I don't think my stomach will ever be the same. I think it could be great....just probably not the same as it was.  So maybe i'll shoot for just a strong core :)
7. Stop thinking everyone is judging you! Stop worrying about what other people think! Let it go people!
Ok, so do you ever feel like this photo below? Like people are mentally circling all your "trouble spots" and focusing on all the negative? Let it go people, and just worry about bettering yourself. And yes, this photo is real, and was taken by my son, unbeknownst to me, while I was exercising. Apparently he thought I had a few "trouble" spots! ps. I seriously get the giggles every time I look at this picture! I mean, come on people...that is some funny sh%!

So with my last two goals I have, I've just been thinking a lot and trying to motivate myself for the coming New Year.  As a part of my motivation, I was looking online at some nutrition and fitness  pictures/quotes/advice. I found quite a lot.  Some great, some not so great. I wanted to share a few with you! Here's the first one...

Patience is always hard for me, especially when I'm starting something new workout wise. Which then brings me to my next one...

In my case, its actually 4  months from now because I'm doing a 4 month challenge, (message me if you're interested!) There will come a time when you FINALLY realize all the hard work is paying off. Those the times you praise yourself for being PATIENT......those are the times you stand in front of the mirror and do a fan-freakin-tastic "happy" dance. I've done it before, and even though it looks more like I'm having a seizure than doing a dance, I'll continue to do it because it's you rewarding and accepting all your hard work! Wheeeeee! Happy dances for everyone!!

This one's a no-brainer, but we all forget sometimes!  Come on and show us those pearly whites more often! It's your best accessory, duh! Smile's for all!

This one really bugged me. I'm sure we've all had a good laugh about something said like this, but let's get real. How about us women stop shaming and degrading and being jealous of other women? Why do we do this? Why do we wish ill will on other people just so we feel better? Its dumb. So let's stop. I want us women to band together and help each other reach our goals. Girl power! (I know, cheesy, but I literally just said it out loud and did a fist pump....so I had to write it.)

This one made me laugh.  Kind of. And irritated me...but yet I was there once. Just look at some of the bullet points.....While getting healthy and transforming your body is physical, there's so much more to it. Why are us female's so flipping obsessed about the freakin thigh gap? I was there once. A few (5) years ago I was probably about 20 pounds lighter than I am now. I "dieted" and killed myself with cardio after cardio. I liked how I looked....I had the thigh gap.....the "light as a feather" feeling....the cute picture.  However, I didn't really feel healthy.  I felt weak and frail. 

How about us women all rise up and proclaim that "Strong is the new skinny," and "Strong is the new sexy!" I've never felt more empowered as a women then when I started seeing my arms become defined and my ab's (barely) showing. I love feeling strong! Not the body builder huge muscle strong (or you might like that, and that's ok!) but the lean muscle hard and toned body strong. The feeling of being able to do real push-ups and a kick-ass ab workout? Now that makes me feel good.  That makes me feel sexy. 

There's not much to say about this one except...."DRINK YOUR EFFING WATER PEOPLE!" Keep a water bottle with you at all times, install a drinking fountain in your house...whatever you gotta do to stay hydrated.

Who wants more pictures? (raising my hand....I do!)  I don't know why I get a kick out of all these things, but I just do!

This one made me laugh. Now,  obviously don't kill yourself so hard in the gym that you pass out, but I think you all are smarter than that. 

I used to be so self conscience when I was at the gym because...I'm just gonna be really transparent  here....I sweat like a man.  I really do.  No joke, seriously. Like, a big burly mountain man chopping trees and uprooting them with their bare hands. Do you get the picture? 

Once I saw this girl at the gym who was sweating, dare I say, more than me? She looked good...she looked fit and healthy and was just going for it. I could tell she was giving 100% to her workout.  So I thought, if she can sweat that much and not make every single person in the gym stare with their mouths gaping open with a disgusted look on their face...then I can too dammit! This next picture just goes with the whole sweating theme....

Right? I love it. And one more....then I promise I'll stop talking about sweat.

Giggle.

One more cute one...

How funny is that? But so true. I need to be better at eating the "good" fats!

So I'll leave you with this....

Life is short all you lovely people, and we only have 1 body.  So let's treat it like the temple it is and feed it all kinds of gold and silver! (I seriously just made that up on a whim...and I'm pretty sure it doesn't make sense....but I'm going with it)

As part of my New Year's resolution, I'm forcing me to challenge myself...mind body and soul! For the next 4 months I will be anti-social and a hermit...don't bug me,  I will not answer!

Ok, just kidding.  But I'm seriously gonna kick some booty and put the best foods in my body!  Who's with me?

Man it's been a while....the "weight" is over!

It's been a looooong time since I've sat my butt down and written a blog.  I figured it was time.  Lucky you.  And it's a good one too.  Well, they're all good....right? (This is when you nod your head at the screen,  fist pump in the air, all while simultaneously yelling "whoop whoop!") Ok, I'm getting all your good vibes people, and I thank you.
So this blog just happens to be about a sensitive subject for most women.  Weight, body image, yada yada yada.  I'll try and make it as interesting and entertaining as possible, plus little extra's here and there.
So for some reason, after I had my third and final kid, Max, my metabolism completely stopped.  Ok, I don't know if a metabolism can actually stop, but I'm trying to be dramatic here, so go with it. The first two, bounced back pretty quick.  The last one, not so much.  About a year ago I reached my breaking point. I was turning into something I always said I wouldn't....the dreaded "frumpy old mom." I needed to start taking care of myself better.  Despite thinking I was doing everything I needed to do to take care of myself, I now know I wasn't.  I was still dealing with the post partum depression I experienced after I had Max....I was tired all the time, and nothing I did would change my energy level. My clothes were too tight, my self esteem too low, and I was wondering what to do next. I needed an overhaul, a full service makeover.
Insert my lovely sister-in-law Ericka

Doesn't she look fun? Well let me tell you, she is. She's spunky and fiesty, beautiful, honest (which I love because she tells it like it is) and driven. To be completely honest, I was super intimidated when I met her for the first time because she's this confident, gorgeous gal that knows what she wants, and a natural born leader. I started noticing a difference in her, not just that she had lost some weight, but that she was practically glowing. She was exuding happiness and positivity.  I wanted more of that in my life. After asking her what she was doing, she introduced me to some super awesome products from a Superfood Nutritional Cleansing System that she's absolutely bonkers about. She totally lit up when she was talking about the products and what they've done for her.  Her attitude was contagious and I wanted it.
I was introduced to the fabulous Emily Vavra, who was the one that introduced Ericka to the crazy good products. Let me tell you people, these two ladies are something else. They both simply ooze positivity and strength....happiness, health and leadership. I wanted more of that in my life as well.
Now I'm not trying to sell anything here people, I just feel really really compelled to tell my story...for what it's worth. Take it or leave it :)
 For the past year I've been using some of these fan-freakin-tastic products in the same nutritional cleansing system Ericka has been using. Let me just tell you a little about my journey.
I started noticing not only that I was losing weight, but that my skin was softer and smoother....my mental health better and I was seeing life with more clarity.
I feel so good, mentally and physically. My energy is crazy good, and I'm feeling back to my normal self...but better. Now, I feel like these products aren't just about losing weight.  I feel like it's life changing in so many more ways. When you feel energetic, confident, sexy and motivated; it's a good feeling. A feeling that everybody deserves. All of this instills genuine confidence and changes the way you see life. I love these products so well I could seriously yell from a mountain top, like in a Riccola commercial (without the fog horn thingy, or whatever it is). I just feel like I want everyone to know that life is short and why wouldn't we all just try to be the best version of ourselves that we can be?
Now comes the dreaded pictures. I've lost about 15 pounds and gained so much more. The format of the pictures is kinda wonky, but it'll do. All the ones on the left side are "before" and on the right is "after." (After posting this and looking at it on my phone, the pictures all just show up on top of each other, just one column....hope you can tell which ones are before and after!)

 And this last picture sums up everything. I'm content, happy, confident, healthy, and exactly where I want to be.

The new year is all about starting over....setting the "reset" button. Starting in January there's a 16 week body challenge that I can't wait to start.  Even though its a 16 week challenge, I know anyone giving it a shot will be forever changed and will have created a new lifestyle for themselves.  As I've already said, it has significantly changed mine!  If anyone else out there wants to do it with me (I still need accountability!) Let me know!

chaaaaaaaaaaange

"Let's talk about change baby, let's talk about you and me, let's talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be, let's talk about change."  Name that tune....with a change in the one word of course. Haha.  Yes, I said "Change" again, which just so happens to be the topic of this blog post.  So let's do this...
I suck at it.  No, like seriously.  Not.  Good.  At.  All.  If I think about mine and David's marriage the last 11 years, it's been filled with constant change.  So I should be used to it, right?  Negative Ghost Rider.
We've moved so many times it makes me wanna throw up....because I absolutely despise moving.  Let's count how many times, shall we?  We started in Mankato, then moved to Rochester.  Lived there for 6 years and moved 3 different times within Rochester during those 6 years. Because....we're cool? Yes.  Then we moved to the cities, and then St. Cloud, and finally in two weeks we get to move hopefully for the last time (or at least for a very very long time).  We bought a house!  Yay!  Here it is...

Isn't it pretty?  That porch people!  It's so pretty.  I call it my "Anne of Green Gable's house."  (Only the cool people out there will know that reference :)  Just kidding.  But not really.  We're putting down roots people! By the way....do you pronounce is "roooots" or just "roots?"  Was that a weird question?  My brain is totally awry right now, my apologies.  

Anyway, yes, so we're putting down roots and it feels so good.  However, in order to finally get there, we have to go through misery....meaning the act of packing and unpacking.  I could say so many swear words right now associated with how I feel about packing, but I won't.  Because that would be inappropriate.....or would it? (Said in a sly-tilted head kinda way)

By the way (again)....we're watching the MN Wild right now and they just scored, yay!  See people?  Awry.  I just like saying that word.  Awry.  It makes me sound smart.

Anyway....back to change.  I don't do very well when my life is in chaos, and that's what it feels like at the moment.  I know it's temporary, but still.  My life is literally all packed up in boxes.  I know it'll all be fine and dandy, but in the mean time..... I'll be sitting on the floor crying.

We scored again!  Maybe one MN sports team will actually have a winning record this year?

So that's all I really have at the moment.  I feel like I had so much more to say when I first started this post?  Hmmm.  To be continued.....

So I told myself I'm going to blog more often, because I love doing it and it's a great outlet....even if it's a short little quick one without much to it.  So here goes.
This week has just been funny...one thing after another....and I always tell myself to write this shit down so I remember it later!
So Max is saying something new everyday, and while this isn't really funny, it's worth writing about.  Ok so this isn't new (But funny)...so when anybody "passes gas" (if you will)....Max says, "toot!" and then giggles his little head off.  What a boy.  I will never get tired of hearing that.  He also started saying "I love you." So a couple days ago I walked downstairs to say goodnight to the kids (David was putting them to bed).  As I walked into Grace's room I see Max saying "I love you too" to Grace and giving her a hug.  That was the first time I had heard him say that.  Let's just say my heart melted into jelly....and I will never forget that moment.  Ever.
Gabe had a moment worth writing about as well.  He was at a baseball game and hit a super awesome line drive....but it just so happened that it hit a kid smack in the head (Like, the kid had to come out and put ice on it.) Just a disclaimer....the little boy is OK! That being said, when I asked Gabe if he felt bad for the boy he said "Nope." Such a proud mom moment.....NOT.
So a little while later I asked again if he felt bad at all, and he said, "Ok, yeah I kinda felt bad mom......but did you see the hit?" Ok well......that was better than the first answer! He's hilarious...and still hasn't gotten his two front teeth (Ok that was random).... but he lost them months ago!  David thinks when they come in they're going to be huge!  We laugh about it all the time.
And then there's Grace.  I could write a book about this girl.
So today she went to a garage sale in our neighborhood with a couple other friends. She had her little wallet filled with change and she was so excited!  She comes back a little while later beaming!  She walks up, and in her hand is this hideous huge Teddy bear that actually has the year "1990" on it, with the tags still on it.  Not to mention a weird plaid color and shedding like crazy.  David and I just look at each other, trying not to laugh, and before I know what to say, he says to her...."Honey, do you know if they have a return policy?"  No joke.  We looked at each other and laughed....for probably like 20 minutes. It was one of those moments that isn't planned or thought through, but is funny as hell.  Did he just really ask our daughter if the garage sale had a return policy?  Why yes...yes he did.  David does have a pretty good sense of humor.  However, he's the funniest when he isn't actually trying to be funny.  When he does try...he fails miserably.  Turns out Grace only spent 50 cents on the damn thing.

On a side random note....turns out that the cool skateboard thingy that Grace has been wanting to get was not called "whip stitch" after all, but in fact, a "Rip stick." Glad that was cleared up because it felt weird to me.  All of you that sew will get a kick outta that.

On another side note....it's 10:45 at night and I really just want to have a hotdog.  However, I went on a really awesome run tonight with my neighbor and am trying to use some self control.  It's not working.

On that note...goodnight.