Crap.

So life here in Minneapolis has been great.  We've been adjusting just fine, and to my surprise, actually liking living here.  Traffic doesn't bother me anymore, (who would've thought?) I can get pretty much anywhere I want in about 20 minutes, (with my handy dandy GPS of course) and we're finding there are so many cool and kid friendly things to do.  Things have been falling into place, and "comfortable" is finally a word to describe our transition.  And then the bombshell people.  Surprise, I somehow seemed to have gotten knocked up again.  Crap.  Now, I know what your thinking....crap?  Am I really referring to a baby? Why yes, yes I am.  Aren't babies the most wonderful blessings in the world?  Yes.  Don't they enrich your lives and make it so much better?  Of course.  Aren't there many families out there that can't have children and would die to be in our situation?  Sadly, yes.  But.......CRAP.  Crap crap crap.  Don't get me wrong, we are excited....and shocked and terrified and unprepared.  You see, I say crap because we weren't planning it or even thinking it would be possible until David was done with school.  I know, I know....these are the best kind of surprises.....but seriously, CRAP.  I'm choosing to exercise my right at the first Amendment, and I choose to say, simply, crap.  You see, David is in Grad school full time.  We pretty much live off of student loans.  Our house is just a smidge bigger than a doll house......and we traded in our van last year because we wanted to "downsize."  Ha.  Perfect.  Our car's too small, our house is too small, and I really wasn't ready to be pregnant.  Big sigh.  Extremely big sigh.  Gigantic scary wonderful exciting sigh.  Crap.
So I've had 14 weeks to get used to this all.  It's been 14 weeks of out of this world hormones, debilitating lethargy, and a stomach that never experienced actually throwing up with the other two pregnancies.  David just told me the other day that (in an extremely whiny and pathetic voice) "I want my wife back!"  It is true, I haven't been myself.  I don't remember being this bitchy with my other pregnancies, being this sensitive to everything people say and do.  I can't survive a day without a nap, and I've turned into a hermit....not wanting to go anywhere, do anything, or God forbid, put on actual real clothes.  My friends, all of them at one point or another have either texted or called...either making sure I'm still alive, or asking if I'm upset at them. That's how much of a hermit I've been.  Crap.
However, this 14 weeks has also been really good for me.  You see, after all the shock and awe, the resentment of the timing, the realization that we are so not prepared, I realized the big wonderful crazy picture.  We're having a baby!  Wheeeeeeeeeeee!  Screw the small house, the small car, the bad timing and financial situation.  Screw the morning sickness, the ever growing a$$, the 24 hour bitch mode, and my body morphing into something unrecognizable. (I get huge ladies and gentlemen)
So yes, I'm still saying "crap," because I can, and it's fun.  But I'm also feeling really really blessed.  We are, after all, having another child, given to us by God because in His mind, this is the perfect timing. Go figure.  We've realized that the things we felt we needed, or the reasons we felt so ill-prepared are simply things that don't really matter in the whole scheme of things.  We have lots of love in our tiny little family. Grace and Gabe are at great ages to be "helpers" with this baby.  Even though David is in school, in a couple years we'll be living very comfortably, and it will all seem to be worth it.
After all, all you really need is love.  Love can conquer anything.  Love makes all things possible.  And we have an overflowing abundance of it.
So we are having another baby!  Yay!  Another beautiful little creature that will bring us so much more love.....not to mention lack of sleep, screaming fits, bouts of craziness, and a world turned upside-down.
Crap.